Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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