just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
