did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
