You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
