cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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