she woke up with a sticky ear
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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