I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You're like the curious george of whores
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize