Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
