i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
