yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
