Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
im holly from the hills drunk
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
