Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
