i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
