she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
