She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
