Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I want to be your penis for a week.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
