We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
