I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
