So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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