Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
