i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
