Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Randomize
