I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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