God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
