Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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