holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
That accounts for only three of the penises
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize