Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
