I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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