What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize