She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
