Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
