Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
