Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Fuck appropriateness.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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