I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
