mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
