I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
