its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Found the puke drawer
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
