I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
