birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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