stop calling my apartment porn island.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
