I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You're like the curious george of whores
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Randomize
