U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
