The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
