So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
