I showed him my bush... on skype.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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