everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
