bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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