Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
That accounts for only three of the penises
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
