brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
