did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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