dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
