I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
