so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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