There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
