Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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