What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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