Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
