he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
