Swine flu. Run for my life!
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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