i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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