The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
