So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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