i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
