Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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