dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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