It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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