my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My vagina is officially offended.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
