Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
