I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
