If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
