she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
