carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I DEMAND FORESKIN
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
