Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
