Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
