you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
