they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
