If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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