the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
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