also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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