in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
