'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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