How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize