apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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