around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
