k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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