Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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