it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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