he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
