My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
