OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Ladies don't puke and tell
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
