i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My breath smells like gin and sadness
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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