I wannas sexs uuuuu
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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