Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
