I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
