There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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