Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i out mim tonsoeep
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