Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
