i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You dont lie about slip and slides
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
