Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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