So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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